Be guided to fruition
Be tended, do not reject The pruning nor the pressing Nor the time it takes to sit, To soak in the aromas and notes You were crafted to carry, Then do not tarry when you are called To meet the needs of others, The sunshine, the pressing, and the soaking Were all preparation for such a time as this, Look to the winemaker, poured out for all the world, He does not waste a moment, does not waste a grape, In preparation for the great day, the wedding feast, Look to the winemaker, be poured out joyfully, For this you have grace. Let there be grace in my heart
For you in your grief that looks different Than my own, honest and abundant grace, Because there is no gauge for this: We don’t know what we don’t know, Perhaps your heart is content, assured, Perhaps your heart is utterly afraid, Perhaps your heart is a loop of confusion, Perhaps it changes day to day, I don’t know, I can’t see you fully, I don’t know the weight Of what you brought into this, I don’t know how you feel pressed To carry the world, or your world, On your chest, I don’t know. But I believe there is grace here, To better be with one another in grief, In joy, in suffering, grace to grow, Grace to remember this time, The hard lessons, the soft hopes, Grace to find some balance In stillness and movement, So we may continue In what we’ve been called to, Which is to love. And so I see the body of Christ as a great net, each person an intersection point, harnessed directly to the people around us, linked so that we may hold one another up and move forward together.
This tethering together means we must see one another, we must recognize when to take on some of the burden of a brother or sister and when to call them up to a higher standard, we must learn to understand the relationship between grace and accountability. We were made to grow in family. We were made to grow in step with the Spirit. We were made to be strong and courageous and humble and patient and confident in the peace we carry. Let us keep our eyes on the kingdom. Let us move and rest in rhythm with grace. Let us walk freely in the light. When I was a child I danced ungracefully and unafraid at the altar in worship, feet flying. It was the thing to do, my spirit knew and worked to keep time with the angels.
Then the years came where I began to refrain, uncertain of how I would be perceived by peers, and my worship became more subdued, more subtle, apart from the times I wept and the times words came like a flood and my body shook with the urgency to release them and so I released them and the room responded. Then a new place of worship. In moments of freedom and rejoicing dancing again. Then long years of worshipping arms crossed and close, thinking, thinking too much of myself instead of looking at Him. Words received but not proclaimed. Then gradually, vibrant words again, with the dancing, still ungracefully and freely unafraid, as an act of surrender and warfare. Words of the Spirit spilling out like a fountain overflowing, words being proclaimed in proper time. Now also stillness, awareness of proximity, awareness of the Spirit in me speaking all the time, of the angels around dancing in steady war against the enemy, and words coming firmly and gently, and some undignified dancing, too. Who is it that contends for me?
Who will hear my claim before the court and believe my testimony fully, knowing even what I cannot find the words to say? The true High Priest is my advocate. His loving Father the just judge. The living Spirit witness to the workings of my heart. So I stand fully known before the Lord. Honored daughter, sister, warrior, bride. My place here won by the pure and holy blood of the Son, never to be questioned in its authority. I stand fully known here. Fully seen. Fully understood. Fully loved. My heart rejoices and weeps in the presence of Jehovah Jireh, the One who provides. By faith I see His face and fall fully into worship. Glory to you, Lord, all of Your days. I think of my brain in silicone terms:
Let me power down or unplug or hard restart. These terms come first to mind, near always, But of course there were other terms before: Let me rest and retreat and take time to breathe. Stillness, full stillness, is difficult for me. I want to turn something ‘round in my mind, However trivial, maybe some words, or a memory, To simply be in stillness requires much surrendering. Maybe I will learn someday soon to be a child again, To sit with a clear mind and simply be With You. if you could see the rot and smell the stench of your old self that you tote around like some vintage family heirloom, well, you would gag and vomit and scream; the sin-self isn’t pretty and it is empty of value, let it go, toss it into the light that it may shriek and die and be left there, never touched again.
Give and take, take and give -
Rewards for good behavior - Go deeper to level up - When did I commodify you, my King? When did I deem your gifts more lovely Than your self present with me? Lord, forgive me for my unbelief. Forgive me for not understanding the depths of your beauty, the weight of your glory, the delight of your face. Lord, lead me from my selfish ways Into union with you in humility to glorify you, Father, through your blood, Jesus, by your very breath, Holy Spirit. You are the only one. You are the only one. You are the only one. You are holy. You are good. You are worthy. You are righteous judge. My love, forgive me. My love, help me to love you rightly. |
AuthorI write to process. I write to explore. I write with the hope of sharing truth greater than my own. Archives
February 2022
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