“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
Ephesians 6:12 ESV May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Two years ago, in May 2019, it felt like I finally started to breathe and see light again after several months of drowning. A combination of things had dragged me to a point of near hopelessness. Stress was a big one, self-imposed, circumstantial, and heightened by the lies of the enemy that everything was urgent and I was failing to keep up. So then hopped in imposter syndrome. Real rest, sabbath, was not a part of my routine. I let myself get so busy doing things that I neglected being present in life-giving community. Looking back at journals, there was also a day that February where I felt I heard the Lord say it was time for my words to be released - and then things got harder. I don't want to spend too much time on what it was like, lest I romanticize the darkness, so in summary I had days where I was incapacitated by the feeling of being overwhelmed and just cried and couldn't even work. Other days my emotions were a pendulum swing: high high high and then a crash of despair. Other days I just felt empty. So if you're in one of those spots today and you're reading this: I am sorry. It's really scary to feel swallowed up and I'm really proud of you for remaining, for standing firm, even if that looks and feels like crumbling. There is room for you. You are wanted. You are valued. You are loved. I'm writing this today to encourage you that the lyric from the musical Les Miserables, "even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise" is true, and there is hope for you. Everyone's mental health and healing journey is unique, and also "the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy" (Revelation 19:10) so while your path into hope may look different than mine, it is the same Spirit and the same King and the same Father who I believe brings healing to us all in His time and ways so I will now testify of how He rescued me. The most pivotal thing was the grace of having Holy Spirit dwelling in me. In the lowest moments when I wanted to let go, Holy Spirit didn't let go of me. He wouldn't let me forget the times I had seen God's glory, felt His love personally, caught glimpses of the beauty of His kingdom. Quietly, steadily, Holy Spirit kept burning in me, alight in the middle of my shadows. The next was community: family, friends, coworkers; I had people who saw me in my mess and chose to to sit with me, feed me, listen, hold me, wipe my tears, help me learn grounding, went with me to the doctor. People who saw the best in me when I only felt the worst. People, living and looking like Jesus, who were patient, kind, kept no record of wrongs, always hoped, always trusted, always persevered in loving me (like 1 Corinthians 13). In and through community I also took the steps to take medication for a season to help restore balance to the areas of my body that were not functioning properly. And over time, things began to get brighter again. In the last two years I have hit days and weeks and hours again in which it all felt dark and empty and void. Every time so far for me, when I have asked Him about those times, Jesus has shown me Himself present with me. When I was crying on the floor alone, He was on the floor sitting with me. When I felt rejected, He so gently reminded me that on the cross He bore the pain of rejection fully, so He understood. And currently, as I am trying to learn what it really means to have hope, substantial hope, hope that means something, He reminds me that "Christ in me is the hope of glory" (Colossians 1:27), so I will proclaim Him above everything. Mental health issues and imbalances and pain are real. It takes bravery to remain and keep living, because we have a real enemy who wants only to destroy and bring chaos. Even so, we can be of good hope. For we as "dear children, are from God, and have overcome [the enemy] because the one who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John 4:4). Jesus, the Son of God, took the weight of all the sin and darkness for us on the cross, fully and completely, so that we could walk in the light. He said, "It is finished." and it is. We have been told since His resurrection and ascension and the coming of Holy Spirit to dwell in us, that God is constantly praying for us. Praying that we would know Him. Praying that we would live fully present with Him. Praying that our lives in unity with His would bring God glory. By grace through faith I believe that the cross is enough for me and that it is enough for you, too. Thank you for taking the time to read this. My hope is that through this kind of transparency, the Holy Spirit would speak to you, wherever you are at, and you would hear the ways He speaks the truth to you in love. There's no shame in real love. There is grief and mourning in their proper space, but there is no despair. Jesus is our blessed hope. He sees you. He loves you. He wants you to know Him, because to know Him is to be in relationship with a love like no other love we can know. A love that genuinely changes things and mends broken hearts with true peace and rest and presence. I'd be honored to pray for you specifically about anything. I'd be honored to help direct you to places to get inner healing and therapy/counseling. In His kindness and wisdom, God has the most holistic view of healing: He wants every part of you free, so He partners with people to make that accessible to you, with patience, in love. Grace and peace to you, friends, brothers, sisters, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. With love, Faith “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” Ephesians 6:10-20 ESV “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” Psalm 139:1-18 ESV “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1 John 4:7-21 ESV You said not to worry
About what I'll wear You said not to worry You'll always take care of me You'll always take care of me You said not to worry About what I'll drink You said not to worry Living water runs deep in you Living water runs deep in you You said not to worry About what I'll eat You said not to worry You are the bread I need You are the bread I need Bread of Life Kindly offending my pride Tearing down self-sufficiency Bloody wine Flowing right through my veins I'm being transfused by your grace Clothed with Christ Fear falls fully away This new life Divinely erasing all shame Provider You come through every day May your glory Be the center of all my praise Turn my heart To face your light and your gaze |
AuthorI write to process. I write to explore. I write with the hope of sharing truth greater than my own. Archives
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