The kingdom won't come through policy,
Still we are called to act justly, love mercy, Protect the weak, feed the hungry. Called to let go of former things To keep in step with the Spirit. We didn't comprehend you When you came before, Couldn't quite accept That life in your kingdom Means both less and more: Means standing in dichotomies And being swept up by wonder, Means giving over everything And seeing brokenness restored, Means trusting you like a child courageous And experiencing you in prayers answered Answered in such beautifully unexpected ways It is uncomfortable being squeezed,
Lord, what will come out of me? Will it be some sort of grasping wheeze Or will it be a gentle flood of peace? Lord, what will come out of me? Let it be love, Lord, please, Let it be your love only. Let me not take myself too seriously Nor your love too lightly. You broke your heart open On the cross for me, for everyone. When you were squeezed, Lord, Out came perfect justice, Out came forgiveness, Out came blood and water, Out came our grace-given right to adoption. You swallowed up all our darkness, Surrendered yourself to our warped piety, And when you came back from Hell, Out of you came light, Out of Heaven came the Spirit, Burning through walls and doubtful hearts, The living flame of the living God, Creating in me a temple holy. Living God, fill me full to overflowing. Loving God, flow freely out of me. You've already taken the weight
Of the world on your humble shoulders, So I'll let you keep it, I won't take it back, I'll bear my brothers' burdens, Participate in your sufferings, In recognition of your blood's victory, In celebration, with humility. Lord, your love is costly. Lord, your love is free. It's weighty. It is, after all, woven with pure gold. I look up at the underside of this mantle, see the inner workings of the exterior patterning which have so much less structure than the outside finished thing. I feel like the inner workings. Everyone expects of me the outer face. It's hard to breathe in this dissonance. It's hard to concentrate and believe. It is stifling.
You stand beside me, quietly. Looking up. Your appearance is oscillating, shifting, changing. A purple robe, blood-soaked, with a crown of thorns. The white wool of a lamb. The golden mane of a lion. A man so plain I would forget his face if he didn't have this magnetism. Eyes of fire and hair flowing like water. A bridegroom. A baby. A friend. You don't say anything. You just look up at the mantle with me. I turn from looking at you back to the mantle and it flickers; it almost makes sense for a moment. A flash of brilliance. Clarity. Pure purpose. Is this what you see all the time? Why is it so hidden from me? The glory would overwhelm you. You would fall on your face as if dead. So I get bits and pieces. The unflattering side of the threads. The smattered texture. There aren't any clean lines here, yet it's all the same thread. You say your yoke is easy. You say it costs everything. Please help me understand enough to continue. Just enough to take a breath. We work to carve our plans in stone
But all we have is chalk It smudges It washes away It is such an ephemeral substance What does purpose look like without plans I do not want a dead faith of fluffiness Why won't you let me be definite I am trying to walk well in obedience And you are making everything hazy You laugh at me It is a gentle laugh But it still irks me "Our Father --" Here we go again "Give us this day Our daily bread" I hear you But I'm still confounded Confused and frustrated "Let the little ones come to me" You would make a Paul out of me Small and knowing nothing But Christ crucified and resurrected Perhaps that's all you ever wanted from me "Train is coming!"
Said one of the youngest, He heard it before the rest of us, "Train is coming!" Funnily enough his name, Levi, Is of the tribe of Israel set apart To tend to the Presence of the Lord, "Train is coming!" We hear it, the roar of the horn, The churning, the motion, What's set in motion will remain in motion Unless acted upon by a greater force, Lord, Your kingdom is coming, There's nothing mightier than Your perfect love Nothing so immovable as Your heart Toward Your beloved. The train is coming. Crash into us That we may be caught up in Your purposes That we may go with You into glory Crash into us Lord, we'll follow You. Delight is a sweet and intimate thing
Delight is joy unfolding in laughter Delight is pure and fresh like wildflowers Delight You are the Lord’s delight, dear one, He looks at you and sees your blooming He looks at you with laughter in His eyes He looks at you with utmost tenderness He delights to call you His own Sitting here with you in your magnitude
My heart is stilled, quieted, made steady. I can look around in you for lightyears, Your depths stretch like caverns unseen, You are great and greatly to be praised. My understanding of you is but a spec, A flash of your brightness and longevity, This humbles me and brings me peace Because you have said there is eternity For my spirit to dwell in awe of you. Eternity. So you sit with me, patiently, As I seek to grow in unity with you, As I seek to surrender no matter the cost, As I seek to abide with you in rest, Lord, take all of me. Lord, be Lord of everything, My heart, my will, my emotions. Lord, eternity. With family. With you. Surely this is reality too wonderful to hold Lightly. With fear and trembling I will set my gaze on you, my eternal king. The liar says, “you’re crumbling.”
I say, “the Lord does wonders with dust.” The liar says, “irredeemable.” I say, “Jesus said, ‘it is finished.’” The liar says, “unworthy.” I say, “it is by grace through faith I know I’m loved. Not by works, So that none can boast and all can know The goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” "Too good to be true"
Is a lie that I refuse. Because what is grace apart from goodness? What is your love apart from you? It feels like such an audacious joy, To have brightness in the midst of this world, But you never shy away from paradoxes, Your joy is wide enough for grief, for trouble, For me. For all of me. The joy of salvation is intimacy with you, My King, in everything. It seems too simple to be profound, That your desire is to be found by me, That your covenant is peace, That your discipline is mercy, Yet your heart beats for the least of these, So my emptiness is my offering, My delight is in you and I will stand and sing, "Abba, you are worthy! Yeshua, you are king! Spirit, move mightily in me! I give you endless praise." |
AuthorI write to process. I write to explore. I write with the hope of sharing truth greater than my own. Archives
February 2022
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