I could shout at myself, “Be grateful!!”
But I hate shouting, it stresses me out, So while gratitude is a choice (And there is much to be thankful for), Honesty is a choice, too, and some days My heart hurts and turns a shade of blue. You grieve, too, my Lord, I know this of you, You sit in heavy places without shame, So I’ll sit here with you, not alone, unashamed, I’ll sit here with you to get your perspective. You say, so gently, Look at the lilies. They don’t toil or spin, yet not even Solomon, In all of his splendor was dressed as these. How much more do I clothe you! Oh you, My little Faith. I am clothed in you? You are clothed in me. What if we didn’t swallow pride,
What if we spit it out instead? Semantics. Well, yes: How we speak reflects and affects our hearts, How we see and understand ourselves, So what if we didn’t swallow back This jaundiced bile tinged with specs of black, Allowing it to settle again into our system To boil up again when set off — What if we spit it out into the sink, Saw it for its ugliness, and then chose To let it be washed down the drain? I wonder if we would be softer If we protected our insides from cycles of pain, And chose instead the tenderness of humility? So much has changed in me
At times I disbelieve it At times I think I’ve never been new At times I look around me at these idols Of expectations I have made The ones I have inherited They look like gold They look like good And I do not measure up To their exacting standards What standards, love? They are mute. So much has changed in me. I am doing a new thing, do you perceive it? I choose to perceive it, you, my Lord, At work inside of me. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. So much has changed in me since the day, That bright day I locked eyes with your eyes Of flame and said yes. Yes to you. Yes to your ways. Yes. So much has changed in me. Yeshua, king of my heart, You’ve called me into your heart in depth, So I believe you. I believe that much has changed. I believe your love stays the same. |
AuthorI write to process. I write to explore. I write with the hope of sharing truth greater than my own. Archives
February 2022
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